Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Scrambled Brilliance

Heston Blumenthal is a legend, and it's quite possible, despite his stupid-looking glasses, that I have just a teensy bit of a man-crush on him. I once saw him make scrambled eggs on TV and it blew my mind. 

You can go for decades without having your mind blown by something so ordinary as scrambled eggs. In fact, of all the plausible mind-blowing subjects, scrambled eggs is probably among the least likely. Which, for me, made it a damn-eye-popping-epiphany. 

Anyway, BH (before Heston), I thought scrambled eggs were bland and boring. Turns out, I was doing it wrong.

Which is probably why as kids we smothered them with tomato sauce (ketchup). I know, right? Fucking insane. That's what happens when you use skim milk in any recipe. The Devil's Water has no place in any recipe, let alone your fridge.

Heston will tell you that the best way to cook them is in a bowl over a simmering saucepan of water - aka a bain-marie type set up and stir for about 15 minutes. Heston may be a mad genius, but there is no way I have that sort of patience. As long as you cook the eggs over low heat and continuously stir, it works out just as good. 

I kid myself that it does, and that's all that matters to me.

To the point- for a single serve, crack 3 eggs into a bowl and add about 3 or 4 tablespoons of full fat cream. 
yes, the lighting in my kitchen is shithouse

Dump 2-3 tablespoons of real butter into a hot pan. When the butter has melted and is starting to bubble, turn the heat down low and add the eggs and cream.


Stir some more. 

What you get, after maybe 6-10 minutes, is delicious, velvety, perfect scrambled eggs. The temptation to turn up the heat and get it over with can be overwhelming...but stay your hand, it'll be worth the wait. 

Season with salt and pepper and digest. If you really need toast, go for it, but I'm not sure I see the point.

If you're reading this and thinking "what the fuck is he on about? It's scrambled eggs, not lobster thermidor." Try it. I dare you.

Putting tomato sauce any where near these eggs gets you a slap in the face. At least, in my house it does. As does using margarine or low fat cream.

Heston also suggests you make a separate brown butter sauce (beurre noisette), which I admit is delicious, but I rarely have the time most mornings. If you do, why not?

Searching the net will get you the recipe and videos - I'm sure I don't need to tell you how the internet works. Here's one of a few relevant links. Measurements will vary. If in doubt, add more butter.

Below is this morning's brekkie, complete with bacon and black pudding. Guaranteed to keep you full until lunch time. 

Over 200g of freakingawesome per serve!

I find that if I'm ravenous, adding any more than 3 egg whites for a single serve can be protein overkill and have a bit of a washed-out taste. 3 whole eggs plus one or more egg yolks is better. 

No, this is not going to be a cooking/recipe blog. Some serious non-food stuff is coming soon. 


  1. This sort of grub in the UK is known as the dogs bollocks.

    Keep telling it like it is my friend.


  2. I like it.

    Can just imagine searching the local cafe's breakfast menu for "Dog's bollocks". Probably just underneath the pancakes with maple syrup.