Friday, 16 May 2014

Brown rice and personality disorders

Surely they are correlated.

There are many, many things I don't understand about the "I will go to extraordinary lengths to prove I'm healthier than you" crowd, but toward the top of the list is brown rice.

I tasted it once, back in the days when I thought Muscle Magazine was a credible source of nutrition advice. It's so bad, I would question its classification as food fit for consumption. It is so freaking awful, they should be required to package it with a warning - "eating brown rice will damage your taste buds and you run the risk of washing your mouth out with whatever is immediately available, even if that is brake fluid."

If we ignore, for a minute, that brown rice isn't "healthier" for humans than white rice, I don't care how healthy something is, if it tastes like arse, I'm not putting it in my mouth. If some researcher came out with irrefutable proof that brown rice prevented cancer and guaranteed a long and healthy life, I'm sorry, but that's just not a price I'm willing to pay.

I apparently have a perverse obsession with subjecting myself to mainstream nonsense, because I couldn't help but click on this link.

If you bother clicking on it, and I'm not sure you should, do not, under any circumstances scroll to the comments. You will hate yourself afterwards.

Anyway, the article is entitled "It's possible to have too much healthy food". Some would say it is a fascinating insight into the minds of the "damn, I'm so healthy it hurts" crew. I say it is a fascinating example of seemingly intelligent people missing the obvious penis protruding from their forehead and dangling in front of their eyes. 

It starts: "So, you start the day with a green smoothie – almond milk, coconut water, avocado, cucumber, kale, LSA, CHIA and Greek yoghurt. Lunch is generally a quinoa or brown rice salad with nuts and seeds along with a little chicken or tuna. Another almond milk smoothie keeps you going until your nightly gym visit and you finish the day with Thai takeaway or sushi or a piece of salmon and brown rice – all in all, a very healthy day. Numerous nutritional boxes have been ticked, you have swapped your dairy for almond and coconut milk and plenty of nuts, grains and seeds have ensured you have received your good fats. So why are you not losing weight?"

There are so many things wrong with this opening paragraph, I'm not quite sure where to start. As to the final question, I would have thought the answer was obvious, but apparently not, because the author says:

"Healthy, fit individuals doing their very best to eat well, but such an intense focus on including as many ‘'healthy’' foods in the diet as possible has resulted in a little too much good food, which unfortunately then also translates into a calorie overload."

So, knowing their definition of 'good' is 'bland and unsatisfying', it helps to understand why they can't see their problem:

  • the food they're eating is not satiating
  • the food they're eating is making them hungry not long after they've eaten it
  • they appear to be mashocists
  • the poor souls can't seem to source any animal fat, eggs or butter
  • there's a chance all the brown rice is messing with their neurons
I know almost zero about food reward theory (zero care factor), but it is tempting to call this scenario the "nutritionist paradox", because there are no sane people who would consider this food 'rewarding' and yet they can't seem to stop eating it.

I know liver is chock full of nutrients, but I gag at the taste. If I put some in my mouth and try to convince myself "mmm, this is so delicious", I would not only hate myself, but I'm pretty sure it would lead to some sort of personality disorder. 

The author of the column is "one of Australia’s leading dietitians", Susie Burrell. I don't know her and I haven't read any of her books, so I'm almost tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt on this one and speculate she's ....
nope, I have no idea what she's thinking. 

Must be the brown rice.

Ayrton Senna. 20 years has flown by.


  1. Funny they mention almond milk as being healthy. A few years ago, I was drinking quite a bit of the stuff and ended up with stomach upset and eventually a migraine headache that ended up with me sick by the side of the road and a police officer calling an ambulance. Almonds are fine, but most almond milk contains carrageenan, a thickener that's also used to induce inflammation in laboratory animals.

    1. Sounds nasty, Lori. I hadn't heard much about carrageenan before, but it seems at least one US business is making attempts to remove it from their products -

      Sounds like the general view from most companies is "the FDA thinks it's fine, so...tough luck".

      Have a good one.

  2. People are obsessed with green smoothies. Whatever happened to chewing our foods?

  3. I'm not sure, Almond. My guess is that saves time so they can squeeze in one more Les Mills class. That, and perhaps they've given up trying to figure out what is healthy and decided to blend a whole bunch of random shit and stick a straw in it.


  4. I've always hated drinking smoothies ... and adding raw kale to one sounds nothing short of horrific! yes, in that sense "too much good food" would kill ME, or at least make me wish I were dead.

    ever since "western" societies fell in love with Everything Modern, there's been a perception that streamlined, austere meals were healthier than Old Fashioned stuff. :-P I hope Dr. Kellogg is roasting in hell (beside Ancel Keys)....

    1. Ha. Yeah, when I think of certain people like that, I wish I did believe in the afterlife and that punishment was waiting.

  5. Brown rice ... White rice !
    It's cauliflower rice for me.

    As for smoothies - I'm with Tess.....

    And yes 20 years have flown by - in Eddie's opinion Senna is the best driver he's ever seen - it still upsets him when reminded of that tragic day.

    All the best Jan

    1. Ayrton was certainly one of a kind. As a young kid I delivered papers to save enough money to travel the 3,000kms to see him race in the yellow Camel Lotus in Adelaide.

  6. The best, at his best !