Wednesday, 18 June 2014

Child labour laws? bah

No time to post lately, so just a quick one to feed the spambots.

Like skimming through old photo albums, I tend to cringe when I look back at some of the noticeboard adverts I wrote to sell our stuff. But they seemed to work, so whatever. 

I got the kids involved in this one and the photos allow me to keep the promise I made to myself about not posting pictures of me or my family on the internet. 

Yes, probably distasteful and bordering on child exploitation, but I got a couple hundred dollars out of it, so that's all that matters to me.

For sale - Pram, Cot, Baby Bjorn
With ties to the Royal family!

When I say ‘with ties to the Royal family’, I mean that Prince William’s wedding was on the TV while they were in our house. Which, when you think about it*, is almost like saying Her Majesty wheeled the dogs with the short legs ‘round in the pram while Phil had a nap in the cot. And if you do think about it like that, then really, you should be buying them before word gets out and they’re whisked off to some billionaire's collection. Having or contemplating infant children isn't even relevant.

So, now you know the possible true story behind these fabulous items, the minor details shouldn't really matter, but in the interests of the heathens who don’t sing God Save the Queen at breakfast every morning, here they are:

Bertini Shuttle pram with pneumatic tyres. Good, go-anywhere pram that would suit a jogger/walker. I’ll leave it to your imagination as to whether the tyres were blown up personally by Camilla. I know she’s not really a Royal, but Chaz must have married her for some specific talent. I made one up, and it sounds logical

Timber cot with mattress and linen. Good solid cot. Base is height adjustable. Teeth marks on side railing may or may not have been the result of a teething red-headed prince.

Baby Bjorn is ideal for carrying your baby in a way that leaves both hands free for other exciting activities such as cleaning, hanging up the washing and stem cell research.

These items are of course priceless, but we are willing to accept $60 for the pram, $120 for the cot and $50 for the Bjorn. You may negotiate if you want to cheapen centuries of British Royal history.

The attached photos are not doctored or photo-shopped in any way, but don’t bother forwarding them to People Magazine – it seems they don’t know a genuine photo when they see one. Idiots.

*assumes you are thinking about it after (a) 14 pints (b) mind-altering drug of your choice, or (c) full-frontal lobotomy. 
Dear William has an itch that must be scratched

sweet and cute and in no way creepy or distasteful