Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Fat people's excuses - debunked

It’s about bloody time some brave soul went out there and said what every normal thin person has been thinking, i.e. “fat people are fatbecause they eat too much, and quite frankly, they make all us thin people sick”.

What a relief. What weight off my mind and shoulders. I had no idea who Katie Hopkins was before today, but from now on she will be forever known to me as The Blonde Truth Whisperer. She doesn't appear to do a lot of whispering, rather loud shouting, but that’s neither here nor there.

It seems Katie has conducted a randomised, double blind study and concluded that “fat people are basically full of shit”. 

Simple, concise and breathtaking in its honesty - if only there were more researchers with this amount of guts and intelligence.
her husband is obviously a killjoy and drain on her mojo
Coincidentally, I conducted a similar trial in my late teens, albeit unintentional. After playing regular sport for all of my childhood, I reached age 19 and thought “bugger this, I’m going to see how big I can get” and stopped running around after a football. My 21st birthday photos depict a young man whose face appears to be so puffed up, to be on the verge of popping. I was not morbidly obese, but I tipped the scales at somewhere around 100kg (220 lb).

But then I got a bit sick of looking like a tube of toothpaste that had been left out in the sun and I stopped eating loads of sugary shit and I got off my arse once in a while. Easy.

After correcting for (a) my genetic background (b) the circus of hormones running through my young body (c) the amount of carbohydrates and sugar I had been mainlining into my organs (d) many other similarly irrelevant variables, my conclusion was strikingly similar to Ms Hopkins’;

Humans just need to stop eating loads of chocolate cake and pancakes with bacon, and we’ll all be lean, healthy and incredibly smug. If one person can do it, then everyone else with the exact same biological and genetic makeup should be able to do it too.

Amen and pass the fruit salad.

Let’s all hold hands in a circle and hate fat people together.

lisa jane looks like she could lose a few pounds herself.
Put down the cake and get to the gym, lisa.