Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Xenical - the IQ test in pill form

Working in a typical office environment, I imagine I’m not unique when I observe that my overweight colleagues are extremely persistent when it comes to finding new and interesting ways of flushing money down the toilet.

Maybe I’m not paying enough attention, but it came as a bit of a surprise when a co-worker returned from holidays proclaiming joy over a weight loss pill she’d discovered that apparently absorbs some of the fat she eats and...allows her to shit it out before it hits her waistline.

That grown people believe there is logic and reason to this is staggering. That it costs $120 for a bottle of 84 tablets is...well, intriguing.

Somewhere there is a lab geek rolling around in a mountain of money. I salute you, sir or madam - making a fortune by giving people the runs is fucking genius. 

I'm not a huge fan of laughing at desperate people, but Xenical is clearly the wonder drug for stupid people. 

Sold by Roche as Xenical and by GlaxoSmithKline as Alli, the active ingredient in both is Orlistat, an inhibitor of intestinal lipases that your body produces for very good reason - to absorb nutrients. It is therefore hardly surprising that the possible side effects are considerable and I wager none of them involve long term weight loss.

Roche says:
And they also suggest it doubles as a statin:

Speaking of which, I don't know whether this is interesting or just doubly sad for the research subjects - When orlistat was added to simvastatin, this proved to be more effective for weight loss than either drug used individually.

All this sounds fantastically tragic, but when taking Orlistat it appears that oily poo is the least of your worries. Subacute liver failure, kidney damage, gallstones, blisters, depression and a long list of other nasty conditions are what you may possibly pay for the chance of losing a few pounds.

Besides, who needs fat soluble vitamins anyway?


Apparently it is 2015, not 1815. I would not be surprised to learn of medical practitioners in those times prescribing leeches to suck the fat out of your fat cells. I'd suggest this is just as ridiculous and many times more dangerous.

I'm aware that desperate people sometimes do strange things. But surely they should know by now all they have to do is eat less and move more - it's not rocket science.
Requires double dosing