Thursday, 23 April 2015

Personalities, salad and a very special day

Today is random dribble day. Happy random dribble day!

I am an easy-going introvert with very specific motivational triggers. Part of what that means is, I sometimes get in the mood to write about anything that happens to be doing a nudie-run through my head at the time. Just like an extrovert may simply open their mouth and let the rubbish spill out, I let my keyboard do all the speaking. In both cases, I imagine it is quite a tonic for the dribbler and a bit dreary for the dribble recipient.

But, what the hell, I can do what I like here.

I don't pretend that I'm a special snow flake, and anyway, introversion can mean a lot of different things. To the typical extrovert I imagine it means “boring, eerily quiet, someone who is difficult to convince that I’m awesome”. My brand of introversion means that I usually have a constant and internal dialogue going on in my head, which makes social interaction hard work and extroverted people generally drain my energy. 

Except my wife, of course –  I miraculously found my special extroverted unicorn and did not let her go. As it happens, she/we gave birth to a brood of intro/extro hybrids, one of which looks a lot like me but has the complete opposite personality. Genetics is fun.

Don’t misunderstand me – I like a lot of extroverted people and enjoy their company. But that doesn't mean I regularly like to surround myself with people who talk for the sake of talking. Similarly, I freely admit that I’m a bit of a social retard and might be difficult to interact with. I have little interest in parties, crowds, casual chit-chat or speaking in small groups. Inviting me to a brainstorming session is the equivalent of asking me to eat okra. Or glass. I am not programmed to do these things.

As a result, people tend to think I don’t care about much. It was sort of why I chose the name for this blog, apart from being too impatient to think of a good one. Casual questions from colleagues usually receive the default response of “care factor zero” or “mate, care factor…”. That might sound arrogant and unsocial, and probably is, but I’m quite happy to chat about interesting things like their family and what they did on the weekend. But asking me about politics or giving me an uninvited history lesson on why gay marriage is a slippery slope… I figure CFZ is slightly more polite than "mate, shut the fuck up", which is what I'm thinking.

Despite appearances to the contrary, I do care about some things, but eating salad is not one of those things. How's that for a tangent? 

I don't care, I'm running with it. When I look at a big bowl of salad, all I see is hard work and very little return. It’s like giving me a wheelbarrow full of manure and offering me the opportunity to dig in and keep the 50 cents that you've hidden in there. 

I’m not saying vegetables are manure, just that it would be so much simpler and more enticing if a typical salad was one third the size and comprised ingredients with actual nutrients. I don’t care what you say, lettuce and carrots are not nutritious. Or tasty. Or satiating. Therefore, putting them in my mouth is something I rarely do.

Tomato is quite enjoyable and I like red onion quite a bit. Olives are okay and I can eat anchovies out of the jar. But avocado is second only to banana on the "vile texture scale" and don’t get me started on cucumber.

Cucumber is just fucking wrong. 

There are some things I don’t understand, but freely admit that some people may enjoy, like golf and line dancing. But why someone would enjoy a cucumber, is so beyond my comprehension of all that is sensible, that I concluded a long time ago, people eating cucumbers are clearly unstable. 

You’ll notice I said “eating”, not “inserting”, because the latter I can sort of understand, even if I don’t plan to join in on that particular type of frivolity.

If I had more time and and enjoyed pointless exercises, I’d look up the nutrients obtained from eating a typical salad and compare that with what you’d receive from eating a couple of egg yolks, some animal flesh and a bit of cheese. Regardless of the result, I bet you a million pounds that your body and brain will thank you more for the second option. Your taste buds definitely will.

What this incredibly long mass of dribble is trying to lead to is – 
  • Introverts may look like they don't care, but they're probably just focused on the conversation going on in their head. Give them a hug and tell them you understand. They like hugs;
  • Salad, as it is typically prepared, is not worth the effort. Definitely not mine, and probably not yours; 
  • There are two types of cucumber consumers and you should probably be wary of both.  
Have a fantastic day.
Photographic proof that salad leads to insanity