Friday, 15 May 2015

Rhetorical questions and Healthy Kids

In everyday life there are many questions that appear rhetorical, because the answer should be so obvious to not require a response. But it seems some people ask them expecting a response. 

A response that is different from “sorry, I don’t know you well enough to answer that truthfully”. Unfortunately you never can tell for sure if someone will respond to a serve of truth with extreme violence.

Some examples of what I consider a rhetorical question include:

What is the best cure for a hangover?
Who will you vote for next election?
Did you watch (insert reality show here) last night?
What is your go-to selfie pose?
Where do you buy your dog’s Halloween costumes?
How long do you think it’ll take for Governments to win the wars on drugs and terror?
Facebook or Twitter?*
Jazz or country music?
Can you recommend a good stockbroker?
Have you read today’s newspaper?
What do you think of my new tattoo?
Would you like to come to my Tupperware party?
Have you heard the word of god?
Would you like to try some of this delicious vegan bacon?

Wikipedia saysAlthough sometimes amusing and even humorous, rhetorical questions are rarely meant for pure, comedic effect.”

Recently I stumbled on to the following web page and just assumed it was one of those rare occasions:

But apparently not, because they went on to answer the question with “there’s no one-size fits all answer” and that’s just not funny at all.

Humour aside, I s’pose the answer is true if you hate your kids and wish them ill health, but I don’t think there are too many sane people with those intentions. Maybe I need to get out more. 
Butter is hard to spread thinly. No contest.
“If you’re a canteen, you should be sticking to the Fresh Tastes @ School Guidelines, which recommend a thin spread of polyunsaturated or monounsaturated margarine over butter.

I’m not a canteen (school tuck shop), but I’m well aware of my own kids’ bipolar canteen list that is full of inconsistencies and nonsense. Anyway, I love a good set of guidelines, so I took a squiz.

Of course it’s exactly the same gibberish you will see in any other nutritional guidelines, but something that did surprise me a little, because I've obviously not been paying attention:

To put that in to perspective, my first-born is ten years old so she should be eating 6-9 serves of cereals each and every day. Given that a ‘serve’ equals:

She will meet the guidelines for good health if she eats: 
  • 12-18 slices of bread; or
  • 6-9 bread rolls; or
  • 6-9 cups of rice, pasta or noodles; or
  • 6-9 bowls of cornflakes.

I almost missed the “extra foods” allowance, of which she’s allowed 1-2 serves a day. Extra foods are: 

So, on top of the 9 salad sandwiches, she can have 8 sweet biscuits or 2 cans of soft drink. Awesome. I bet she can’t wait until she turns 12 when her daily Fanta allowance increases to 3.

Unfortunately, I am quite fond of my beautiful daughter and her ratbag siblings. The Healthy Kids mob might think a kid’s pancreas and brain are there to be tortured, but I don’t.  

Have a lovely day.

*Don’t be offended by the fbook/twitter question. I willingly admit that, perhaps like wheelchairs, social media is very useful for many people – just not me. My non-participation in these forums is probably a reflection of my social-retardation and online paranoia more than anything else.