Thursday, 25 June 2015

The Adventures of Awesome Man

by Spittin'chips junior, age 8.




So profoundly deep, I thought. Are we all hypnotised or are some of us just wearing hipno-glasses? If some of us are just wearing hipno-glasses, what is the deal with wasting Awesome Man's time? Why did Awesome Man decide to travel by boat? Does he not have the power of flight or is he just making a point? What is that point? Should we all take our siley towels off and take a shower?

Will leave you all to ponder.

Tuesday, 9 June 2015

Stupity is legal, why not same sex marriage?

My daughter plays netball.

While that is immensely fascinating in itself, netball is fairly high on the list of sports that frustrate the hell out of me, mainly due to the fact that you're not allowed to tackle the opposition. I'm fairly sure that the sport would attract a lot more spectators and sponsors if the umpires stopped shouting "contact, wing defence" every 10 seconds. For Odin's sake, let wing defence hit the wing attack in a hard-but-fair front-on tackle and there's a good chance I'll watch a game that doesn't feature my offspring.

The only reason I prefer netball to soccer is that there is almost zero chance of a nil-all draw in netball. It can come pretty close when the game is being played by 10 year olds, but my daughter likes the game, it's good exercise and it gets us out of the house on a Wednesday arvo.

There's a girl on my daughter's team who is struggling with her weight. It's great that she's playing sport that she enjoys, but it quickly became obvious the cards are stacked heavily against her efforts when I observed her parents and siblings on the sideline. Her parents are usually hoeing into a bucket of hot chips or something deep fried in vegetable oil. Her younger sister is about 5 and appears to be either genetically gifted or hates the taste of sugar and starch. Her brother, going by his height and the nappy he was wearing, I estimate to be somewhere between 2 and 2 and a half. To be blunt, he's a porker, and I noticed his Mum gave him a can of coke to go with his hot chips.

It's not often I get all judgey and internally outraged at crappy public parenting. I realise parenting is hard work and sometimes the urge is overwhelming to just say "you know what, fuck it, eat pizza in front of the TV, I need some peace and quiet or I'm pretty sure I'm going to blow a fuse and start yelling and once I start yelling I won't be able to stop before everyone is sad and goes to bed in a shitty mood."

But I reckon some things fall in to the common sense category of "stuff not to allow humans in your care to ingest". Coke might not be as dangerous as drain cleaner, but it's still a really stupid thing to give your toddler, let alone a child of any age.

Why does this post appear to have zero relevance to the title I gave it? Hold your horses, I'm getting to it.

I don't pay a lot of interest to the reasons some give as to why they oppose same sex marriage. In my mind, it's none of anyone's business who someone else marries, but apparently one of the main reasons, apart from it being a slippery slope that will inevitably lead to the old bloke down the street marrying his axolotl, is that it's harmful to any children they might adopt or give birth to.
More Tom Tomorrow here

My opinion doesn't matter any more than the bigots who think this, but suffice to say I think their opinion is bullshit. Parents everywhere are regularly feeding their kids stupid crap like coke and chips and regardless of whether they gain weight or not, their internal organs are very unlikely to be enjoying the "nutrients". This slow but sure abuse of a child's internals is not illegal, because, unfortunately, stupidity is not illegal. Stupid people breeding is also not illegal. 

Ireland is the latest country to legalise same sex marriage. Australia is currently having the debate of whether or not to join the 21st century and do the same. You'd be correct in assuming it's been a predictable debate so far, given a lot of our law makers are shit-for-brains bigots who conveniently use their religious bias when it suits them, but not when they make policy allowing abuse and torture of kids who have attempted to seek asylum in our country.

Politicians and adults who let their kids drink coke = stupidity or laziness or ignorance or perhaps a combination of all three. A gay couple may have one or more of these attributes but, unlike the former two examples, it's not guaranteed. 

If you're not going to stop the idiots and politicians from marrying each other and breeding, why stop anyone else?

Marina's new album is out, and it's pretty good. My wife hates it but she hates all the music I like. Absolutely safe to play to your kids.